Sunday 5 December 2010

Empire Strikes Back Alternative Beginning (Advent 6)

Hoth Snowman Cartoon

Everyone knows how The Empire Strikes Back Begins (if you don't todays cartoon may not be for you).

The opening crawl begins
"It's a dark time for the Rebellion.  Although the Death Star has been destroyed, Imperial troops have driven the Rebel forces from their hidden base and pursued them across the galaxy...
The evil lord Darth Vader obsessed with finding young Skywalker, has dispatched thousands of remote probes into the far reaches of space..."

To summarise destroying the first death star does not defeat the Evil Empire (so why does destroying the 2nd one in Return of the Jedi?).  As everyone knows the not-at-all-like-nasty-terrorists rebellion flees it's lovely leafy base on Yavin IV to end up on the ice world of Hoth where the temperatures are so extreme even FIFA wouldn't host a World Cup there.

So if you have a secret rebel base which the Emperor is looking for with lots of spidery robot probes (or probots) why on earth did they put it on the surface of the planet with buildings and guns defending it?  It would be like Bin Laden putting a big neon sign saying 'America's Most Wanted' outside his secret cave in the Tora Bora region of Afganistan.

I prefer my alternative opening where the frozen rebel solders of Sector Twelve whining about their incompetent leaders who with thousands of habitable planets in the galaxy chose a frozen wasteland try and have some fun and get spotted.  It would have to be either that or some bored droid leaking their whereabouts on Twitter.

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